2011. Dir: Rob Marshall. Starring: Johnny Depp, Penelope Cruz, Geoffrey Rush, Ian McShane and Kevin McNally. ●●○○○
Since seeing Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides last week the question I've been asked more than any other was "Is it better than the last one?". If there was every a bigger display of the public relations disaster that was At World's End it's hard to imagine. Right now the potential audience for the latest in the Pirates franchise are trying to decide if it's worth going to. The answer is that it is, for the first 30 minutes at least, a better film, however it is still a predictably bad film.
After a bit of Spanish business, introducing the search for the fountain of youth to those of us who didn't really pay attention during the last film, we are thrust into Hanoverian London, with the crowds of artistically dirty peasant baying for the blood of Pirates in the Old Bailey (maybe a better directorial/writing team might have made some parallels to the hysteria over Bin Laden, but perhaps this isn't the right vehicle for that), and pretty soon we're re-introduced to the star of the show Johnny Depp's Captain Jack and his most loyal sidekick Gibbs, played by the good value Kevin McNally. In my cinema the punters cheered with delight when Depp first appeared proving this is his vehicle and as long as he's willing to do this you know there'll be an audience.
We are quickly launched into a hilarious escape bid from the palace of King George (although it appears to have been filmed in Hampton Court which kind of messes up London's geography) and the clutches of his arch-frenemy Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush) which works like a Looney Tunes cartoon full of unlikely ducks and dives, hankerchiefs and strawberries all perfectly placed to aid Sparrow's delightful progress before he is launched onto the streets and into the arms of Judi Dench's cameo - again more could have been made of this, even a hint of Edith Evans in manic Tom Jones would've made it perfect but I did chuckle at her line - until finally he ends up in the pub where Penelope Cruz, masquerading as Sparrow, is recruiting a shipful of pirates to aid her and her father Blackbeard (Ian McShane). The fight between Depp and Cruz is well choreographed and funny to watch, easily the equal of the Depp/Bloom confrontation in the first film.
And then the film shudders to a halt as the various characters make their way to sea.
Like the previous film we spend over two hours with allegiances being swapped and endless exposition of the fantastical plot elements. There's a love story between a Priest and a Mermaid that's insipid enough to wish Keira Knightley and Orlando Bloom would come back, all the battles from here on seem perfunctory or confused and only a final act twist involving the Iberian troops offers anything close to a interesting moment. Given the film repeatedly talks about destiny and fortune telling there are few surprises in the final reel as each characters fate unfolds exactly as you would expect.
Depp and Rush appear to have watched the first Pirates movie and decided to do hammy impersonations of themselves rather than try for any characterisations, whilst the newbies do nothing to ingratiate themselves into the minds of the public. Ian McShane in particular does nothing memorable - there's nothing he does that comes to mind one week after having seen it.
Rob Marshall, the hack director taking the reins (known for his musicals Chicago and Nine), does some nice stuff in the London scenes but he doesn't have either Gore Verbinski's loopy vision or the ability to maintain tension in the second half. Although he's not helped by the flat script peppered with Carry On level double entendres ("I'm for the Missionaries position", "I'm still bent, devilishly so") that remind you this is an action comedy but not enough to persuade.
The highlight, as with all these films, is the music. Klaus Bedelt's main theme is still a corker that acts as a centrepiece for a score that works just as well (maybe better) without the rest of the movie.
Overall I wouldn't bother with this pointless retread, but when it hits TV in a couple of years time it'll be fine to watch the first quarter whilst waiting for something better to come on.
Wednesday, 25 May 2011
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
Friday, 20 May 2011
Jack's Back (Out this week - 20/05011)
I don't really want to do this. I want to be able to turn back, to pretend my life, or at least my movie tastes, were different. But I will inevitably return to this point, one of those horrendous occasions where a film I have hoped to see, one that I championed from it's early onset arrives with all the hallmarks of a dud. Should I attempt to rewrite history, pretend my initial reaction wasn't so positive? I cannot, I must remain honest, retain my integrity even at the expense of my dignity. The film of the week is Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides.
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
Arriving like a rotting fish carcass brought in on the late tide the latest in the pirate franchise that keep Johnny Depp's children fed is here. Rob Marshall has replaced Gore Verbinski but no-one's changed the format. Of course I was salivating for this movie, number 6 in my 20 for 2011, but now I suspect it will be the film of the week choice I truly regret come the end of the year.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●●●●○○○
Julia's Eyes
Spain is the new Japan insofar as horror movies go, as evidenced by this creepy picture where the heroine searches for her missing sister whilst her vision (literally and metaphorically) gets dimmer. Very good reviews, this is the film I probably should be choosing to represent the week.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●●○○○○○
Win Win
Tom McCarthy makes films about disengaged men finding meaning in their hitherto downbeat worldview, and in that respect the Paul Giamatti starrer looks no different from The Station Agent or The Visitor, not that it matters when he makes this sort of thing so well.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●●○○○○○
Blitz
The first of three low budget British films competing for the scraps at the box office this one stars Jason Statham and Paddy Considine as mismatched cops trying to takedown the mysterious and eponymous serial pig killer. Plenty of colourful vernacular is hinted at in the trailer but I expect the proper home for this is on DVD.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●○○○○○○○
Bol
We're always so inundated with Bollywood movies it's easy to forget that neighbouring Pakistan has a thriving cinematic subculture, as evidenced by this internationally released dissection of the place of woman in modern Muslim culture and the responsibilities and challenges of parenthood.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●○○○○○○○
Age of Heroes
Allegedly based on the true story behind Ian Flemming's World War II Commando unit and planned as the first in a new British spy trilogy. But I ignored all that once I found out it starred Sean Bean and RLAG fave Danny Dyer - he's no actor, but I get fantastically turned on by his diamond geezer persona and in time honoured fashion I've posted his pic (below) to celebrate one of his films being released.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●○○○○○○○○
Third Star
The final UK release stars TV's "Sherlock Holmes" (Benedict Cumberbatch) as a man dying from cancer before his time and taking a last holiday to the Welsh coast with his pals. It probably doesn't do much to get past that rather dreary and predictable synopsis.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●○○○○○○○○
Before I go I ought to mention a couple of movies I managed to miss from way back on 06 May 2011.
Life, Above All
Rare South African movie that confronts the issues of undiagnosed HIV infections and child prostitution in a nation that has historically brushed these embarrassing problems under the carpet. Heartfelt and powerful.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●●○○○○○
Zombie Diaries 2
Awfully familiar sounding tale of undead hordes overrunning the last vestiges of human civilisation. But really, what's the point?
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●○○○○○○○○
