2012. Dir: Stephen Frears. Starring: Rebecca Hall, Bruce Willis, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Vince Vaughn and Joshua Jackson. ●○○○○

We've had a couple of bad movies this year, there was the coy and cowardly J. Edgar and the babbling and barmy Dark Shadows, but both of those had some redeemable factors, sure they were failures but you could see the intention of the film-making and in both cases there was a stand-out performance or design element. Lay the Favourite has nothing, limp and irrelevant it has all the dramatic tension and artistry of a made for TV piece about a stripper made good. Except we see supporting character tits and there are a couple of actors who should know better.
Rebecca Hall is Beth Raymer, the stripper-cum-bookie-cum-Columbia graduated writer, on whose autobiography this is based. After a pre-credits encounter with a gun-toting client she's hot-footing it to Las Vegas to get into a safer line, cocktail waitressing in a casino. Not that the audience care - there was no threat in the gun scene and no ambition in the move. Oh well, maybe it will pick up when after a couple of unrelated conversations she walks into the office of Dink, Inc looking for a job. Bruce Willis is Dink, the professional gambler with an opening for a um, well a er, no I don't know why he hired her. To carry money and remember messages apparently. Essentially Dink works the margins in spread betting, employing the algorithms that will pay out regardless of the result. Only that's not interesting so mainly we see large bets on winners and basketball games outcomes because they're easier for an audience to comprehend.
Beth quickly shows Dink she is gifted in understanding the odds by repeating him exactly and being able to sort letters alphabetically in her head. Amazingly we're supposed to believe she's bright too, but we never see any sign of it, especially given the screeching and ditzy performance that suggests you'd tip her as a Waitress but only to get her to leave you alone. After half the movie spent in Vegas where Willis gets in a good mood than loses his temper, rinse and repeat, because of bad results. Not that there's any feeling of risk. Nothing changes; a run of good luck is followed by a run of bad luck and back again. If Dink wins he goes back to his lovely house and demanding wife (Catherine Zeta-Jones in a thankless role) and if he loses he goes back to his lovely house and demanding wife.
Even the romantic elements have no depth to them. Beth and Dink nearly have an affair, but there's no chemistry there. Dink returns to his wife because he really loves her. I guess he does because that's what he says. Not sure why, mind. Maybe because she needs him more than he needs her, or some such rubbish. Beth runs to New York with Pacey from Dawson's Creek. They find happiness. We know this because when she arrives Pacey kisses her on the stairs saying we'll have a wonderful time, and next time they're on screen she's about to go to the Caribbean (to work for a bit with Vince Vaughn) and Pacey asks why she's going when they've had such a wonderful time. Must be the kissing on stairs that's so wonderful.
Talking about Pacey (I know Joshua Jackson wasn't playing Pacey but for all anyone seemed to care about the character he may as well have been) he's filled out a bit and is looking exceptionally cute. So at least I have a new crush as a result of seeing this dire piece of crud.
Where was I? Oh yes, the plot... If you've lost track of what's going on it doesn't matter, there's nothing to miss because there are no stakes. There's a suggestion of the FBI and people going to gaol but nobody was taking it seriously apart from Pacey so it clearly didn't really matter. Finally they all watch a high-stakes basketball game and dance in a New Jersey bar. And it ends.
The performances are either forgettable or irritating, when Vince Vaughn as a loud mouth bookie is best in show you know you have problems. Furthermore there are no technical achievements worth a second glance, maybe a nice line in cheap clothes from Christopher Peterson and Laura Prepon had a striking handbag but that's not enough.
It's dreadful, badly paced, slow-witted and dull. Stephen Frears has hit a new career low and everyone involved should be ashamed of themselves. Avoid avoid avoid.
Wednesday, 27 June 2012
Lay the Favourite
Saturday, 16 June 2012
All that way for a Haircut (Out this week - 15/06/12)
We're breaking new ground this weekend with unprecedented levels of choice in cinemas - in London at any rate - with 16 new releases vying for audiences. Of course many of them have extremely limited openings and won't be making much impact with audiences regardless of the critical response. Don't be deterred by that as there's lots of goodies around if you're prepared to go the extra mile for them. From intrigues in the Danish court to child protection there's some significant foreign language releases as well as the crowdpleasers which could be worth the ticket price. I'm going somewhere in the middle, avoiding the sure-fire hits and the single venue openings and plumping for the strange looking collaboration between one of cinemas biggest heartthrobs and the king of venereal horror. The Runs like a Gay film of the week is Cosmopolis.

Last weekend I was correct in assuming the top three box office titles would remain the same and, although Snow White slipped behind the Men in Black, Prometheus clung to the top spot like a acid-blooded penis-snake to a lost biologist's arm. I made a fatal flaw in over-estimating Plan B's cross-over appeal and the concept Ill Manors struggled, only just making it into the top ten, instead date friendly horror flick The Pact took an average takings three times higher, although I suspect only one of those films will be remembered in 6 months time. This weekend Ridley Scott will probably be just about hang on to the lead and whilst I'd like to cheer on plucky British sporting heroes in Fast Girls I think the karaoke sounds of 80's that is Rock of Ages will get the lions share of the newbies.
Cosmopolis
It's been barely four months since David Cronenberg last film was released - the staid but solid Dangerous Mind - so it's a little surprising to see his follow-up in cinemas so soon. Until you learn it's filmed almost exclusively in a limo as R. Pattz off Twilight crosses town for a haircut. I'll let you know whether it's as absurd as that synopsis sounds later in the week.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●●●●●○○
Read on for strutting stars, mad kings and blind mediums as well as all of this weeks trailers after the jump.
Or as bonkers as the trailer suggests. Warning - there are flashes in this trailer.
Rock of Ages
I'm a big fan of Adam Shankman's film adaptation of Hairspray so in theory I should be queuing round the block for his second big screen musical, and yet... There's something about the self-referential format that seemed charming in the popping colours of the 60's but appears to be awfully self-important here. The terrific cast which includes Alec Baldwin, Paul Giamatti, Catherine Zeta-Jones and Tom Cruise as Stacee Jaxx is impressive though so maybe I'm missing the point.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●●●○○○○
Royal Affair
Danish historical romp which surprised everyone at the Berlin festival by winning best screenplay and best actor for Mikkel Boe Folsgaard as the crazy monarch whose wife carries on with progressive Machiavellian - in that isn't a contradiction in terms - Mads Mikkelsen.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●●○○○○○
Polisse
One of my ex-partner's was a Social worker in a children's team and I'm sure some of things he used to share with me might be reflected in this procedural semi-documentary from France about the Police team sent in to protect children in danger. Both the lows and the highs and the occasional moments of office politics. Should be worth catching.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●○○○○○○
Red Lights
Rodrigo Cortes came to everyone's attention when he placed Ryan Reynolds in a box for Buried and whilst his parapsychology thriller follow-up might not have as high a concept he's drawn a trio of heavyweight performers (Cillian Murphy, Sigourney Weaver and Robert De Niro as a blind spoon bender) but whilst everyone agrees the low key, fraud debunking first half is great the telekinesis filled final act is splitting audiences.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●○○○○○○
Desi Romeos
I apologise for the dreadful sound recording for this Punjab trailer. Honestly, you might think they didn't want an audience. I think it's about a band coming to melt the hearts of female audiences everywhere, but I can't be sure.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●○○○○○○○
Fast Girls
It's surprising that the only film to capitalise on London's forthcoming turn as the Olympic host comes from multi-hyphenate Noel Clarke, although maybe not given his drive and ambition. The story may be predictable - four girls must overcome their difficulties to win the women's 4x400 relay - but even the trailer has the necessary feelgood, triumph over adversity vibe.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●○○○○○○○
Ferrari ki Sawaari
Now admit it, there's no way on reading the title of this Bollowood release that you thought it was about a young boy searching for a cricketting hero and finding himself in the batting order at Lords. Don't worry there is a sup-plot about a missing iconic red motor.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●○○○○○○○
Kosmos
Turkish psychodrama in which a mysterious tramp arrives in a village, immediately saves a boy from drowning and is then treated alternately as a saint and a demon. Then the world starts to go mad. Ambitious, certainly.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●○○○○○○○
Late September
No trailer for this British curio, unsurprising given the nature of the piece. Using improvisation, natural light and long wide takes Jon Sanders' movies explores the cracks in a 40 year old marriage over one long painful weekend.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●○○○○○○○
[Rec]3 Genesis
I'm not sure if this Spanish horror threequel counts as a new release as I understand it was only showing in one obscure cinema for two days in the week. Still it'll be out on DVD in September so maybe they'll be some more showings in the meantime. You can tell how little I care about the plot that takes the zombies from the last two out of the block and into a wedding party.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●○○○○○○○
Requiem for a Killer
It wouldn't be a packed week without a French thriller, and so Melanie Laurent is here to icily dispatch all her opponents in this game of cat, mouse and hired assassin. Not sure where the opera bits come in - are we meant to believe she sings packed out concerts by day and then murders by night?
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●○○○○○○○
The Squad
Nine Columbian soldiers head up a mountain to fight guerillas. Only nothing could prepare them for what they's find up there. I'm guessing it's devil worshipping ghouls and most of them won't get out alive - but then I have just watched the trailer.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●○○○○○○○
Foodfight
Please make it stop! Cheap digimation and Barry Manilow soundtrack aside there's a reason why this extended commercial break with Charlie Sheen and Hilary Duff hasn't been released in the States. Because it's rubbish. Miss it the UK on one day only. Vue cinema chain - I am ashamed of you.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●○○○○○○○○
Murattu Kalai
It's saying something about a kollywood release when not only is there no imdb page but the closest I can find to a trailer is five minutes of two camera monologues. Please don't feel you have to watch it - I didn't. I hope something actually happens in the 2 hour long full version.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●○○○○○○○○
Thousand Kisses Deep
Ham fisted looking thriller that seems to have an exciting cast (it's good to see Emilia Fox stretching anyway) but once you watch the trailer the whole plot seems to fall into place and it's tough to keep an interest.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●○○○○○○○○
Sunday, 25 September 2011
Catherine Zeta-Jones

Happy Birthday to
Catherine Zeta-Jones
42 today
It's been a tough couple of years for the gorgeous Welsh star as both her and husband Michael Douglas have suffered from health problems, however the good news is Catherine's back with three big releases coming in 2012. Of those I'm very interested in seeing her cougar soccer mom in Playing the Field and a high-stakes gambler in Lay the Favourite.
Of course I couldn't let her birthday go by without just a little tango to celebrate:
Friday, 23 July 2010
You're - still - a toy! (Out this week - 23/07/2010)
Pixar do it again, the annual tradition of opening a movie to critical acclaim and box-office domination continues for another year. You have to wonder what they put on their cornflakes. It's quite a good week for counter-programming too with three other films that could have sneaked a film of the week mention if it wasn't so competitive. Nevertheless the crown inevitably goes to Toy Story 3.
Baaria
Golden Globe nominated Italian film following generations of a Sicilian family through births, marriages and deaths, through the rise and fall of Fascism the mob and the communist party, and all via the eyes of a Shepherd's Son.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●○○○○○○○
City Island
Andy Garcia wants to be an actor - it's a little late for that I hear you say - but no jokes his character wants to leave the nine to five and tread the boards in this New York serio-comedy. Also starring Julianna Margulies as his suspicious wife and Alan Arkin as his acting coach.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●○○○○○○
Ivul
Bizarre looking French fable about a boy who exiles himself following a brush with incest. Avant-garde touches make this inaccessible to most of the cinema-going crowd.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●○○○○○○○○
Jaspar, Penguin Explorer
Pleasant untesting animation aimed at the very young. Originally in German the trailer makes Pingu look like Bertrand Russell. See it if you dare.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●○○○○○○○
Khatta Meetha
Bollywood expose uncovering the corruption and brutality in the road building industry (no, really). The ubiquitous Akshay Kumar stars.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●○○○○○○○○
Rebound
Catherine Zeta-Jones happily pigeonholes herself as a cougar (no doubt proving her acting worth) by going for a much younger man in Nanny Justin Bartha. They make a cute couple in the trailer.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●○○○○○○
Splice
Vincenzo Natali latest sci-fi offering melds creature feature prosphetics with modern ethical dilemmas as married biologists Adrian Brody and Sarah Polley make a 'baby'.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●●○○○○○
Thillalangadi
The trailer has it all, comic sidekicks, easy to copy dance routines and kick-ass car chases. Nothing that could pass for a plot though.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●○○○○○○○○
Toy Story 3
The Toy Story movies are now receiving accolades as the best film trilogy of all time now that the third feature has kept the ball in the air. Expect Tom Hanks and Tim Allen as Woody and Buzz to remain centre stage but with hilarious new characters voiced by Michael Keaton, Ned Beatty and Timothy Dalton to stealing some scenes. Female toys include Joan Cusack and Whoopi Goldberg.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●●●●○○○
Tuesday, 2 September 2008
Death Defying Acts

2007. Dir: Gilian Armstrong. Starring: Catherine Zeta-Jones, Guy Pearce, Timothy Spall, Saoirse Ronan and Jack Bailey. ●●○○○
On Saturday I was down in London and finally got a chance to see Death Defying Acts. I'm not sure I should have bothered.
It's a fictionalised account of the circumstances around Harry Houdini's (Pearce) debunking of paranormal claims by challenging pshychics, including Zeta-Jones's Mary McGarvie, to communicate to his deceased mother and repeat her last words.
I'm not sure about the accuracy of the story. There are some elements which could be close to the truth; Houdini's obsessions with his mother and with death generally. Whereas others must be purely fanciful such as the obligatory romance between the two leads.
This mixing of fact and fiction is symptomatic of where the film fails. Armstrong couldn't seem to decide whether this was a bona fide biopic of Houdini or an expose of the lengths that fake mediums will go to, and ultimately the film manages to fall between the 2 stools.
If I were to choose which way I would have liked to have seen to film go I think I would have preferred a story about McGarvie and her daughter, played by the superb Saoirse Ronan. Their story arcs include the comedic preparation for their Music Hall show, their desperate search for clues to Mrs. Houdini's last words as a way out of poverty (although actually their home didn't appear to quite as poverty stricken as the script suggeted) and the hinted at possibility that Ronan did actually have a gift.
If we had dropped Houdini, and his mess of pyschological tics Pearce was overplaying, then perhaps we might have had a chance to delve further into the is she or isn't she able to tell the future question that was shoehorned in the films closing scenes.
The several dream sequences with floaty angels and acute camera angles were also needlessly distracting.
Perhaps with more focus on the interesting elements of the story and a greater attention to detail by the technical team would have made the 2 hours more enjoyable.