Portmanteau fans are salivating at their screens this week as not just one but two examples of short film collections hit screens, although frankly if you're not in London your options are less open. The anthology format used to be the preserve of certain kinds of horror movie with Peter Cushing coaxing terrified guests in his haunted mansion to spill their ghosts stories before revealing himself to be the demon about to devour their souls - or something like that. I definitely remember Bernard Cribbins and a man-eating bush in one of Hammer's earlier incarnations. However, in the noughties a trend for serious directors to put together themed shorts - notably 11'09'01 and Paris, Je t'aime - with the aim to experiment in style and promote the short film form. Perhaps I may be backing the wrong horse, the reviews for both have been decidedly mixed, but I'm plumping for relentless infidelity over a sojourn to Cuba so the Runs Like a Gay film of the week is Players.
The UK's box office champion last weekend wasn't included in my run-down of new releases seven days ago. This is because it hasn't actually opened yet. Why, then, is it the top of the chart I hear you ask... Because it has opened. Ice Age: Continental Drift isn't just an unwanted sequel to a fairly forgettable animated franchise, it's also the Schrodinger's Cat of cinema. It is both in cinemas and not in cinemas - and I suppose the animal cast are therefore both alive and not alive at the same time, which may well be a boom to the career of John Leguizamo. Last weekend saw it's release in the Republic of Ireland, Scotland and Northern Ireland where the schools have already broken up for their summer holidays. In England and Wales (including the RLAG headquarters in Manchester) it has shown in previews but won't be formerly out until July 13th - which basically means we can see it weekends but not week days. This whole extended opening is a fraudulent way of boosting opening weekend figures if you ask me, but then that's probably a discussion best left for another time. So in effect the scottish pre-teens have propelled Scrat and co to the top of the charts with no help from the rest of us, good for them eh? Setting the fossil-record challenged critters
to one side the biggest new entry was Friends with Kids, so at least I got that right. Meanwhile MIB3 slipped back below Prometheus, the weeks best holdover. No plaudits for guessing this weekend biggest challenger, my spidey sense is telling me the all-new Peter Parker, the amazing Andrew Garfield will swing into the lead, covering the opposition of layers of sticky clue to feast on later. Undoubtedly the people will choose The Amazing Spider-Man.
Players
I've yet to see The Artist (I know, I know) but even so the extraordinary success of a black and white silent French movie is the guiding force that propels me towards this comedy about affairs that sees the direct and star reunite. Based on an idea by Oscar winning actor Jean Dujardin - although to be fair the gallic film is based on the comedic value of sex outside of marriage - the contributions come from Michel Hazanavicius and Frad Cavaye (Pour Elle) among others.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●●●○○○○
Read on for arachnid transformations, tasmanian tigers and an illicit trip to the Caribbean as well as all of this weeks releases and trailers.
Too much cutting in a subtitled film can be a dangerous thing, and yet I'm still intrigued. Will have to wait for DVD though - I am not travelling to London for it.
The Amazing Spider-Man
The first trailer was a bit underwhelming, hence the surprisingly low score here, although I confess the marketing got better later on. Of course the real question is not whether it is necessary to reboot a successful series of films less than 10 years after the first run started, but whether this is indicative of Hollywood's laziness and the constant plundering of comic books. Although when original sci-fi properties are as creatively bankrupt as Battleship and John Carter you con't really blame the studios. Andrew Garfield is the eponymous web-slinger, Rhys Ifans his scaly nemesis, Emma Stone provides the love interest and Martin Sheen/Sally Field up the acting quotient in the first of this proposed spider trilogy.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●○○○○○○
God Bless America
Comedian and Police Academy alumni Bobcat Goldthwaite continues his run of subversive satires that play with the notions of Americana and the cult of anti-hero's with Joel Murray (brother to Bill) driven to homicidal fury by society's failings, defending his central belief of kindness by gunning down reality TV contestants, talk-show DJs and in-cinema texters. I expect viewers from all sides of the political spectrum will react with outrage and smug satisfaction as the carnage reigns.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●○○○○○○
The Hunter
Willem Dafoe spend the majority of this movie's running time stalking the last remaining Tasmanian Tiger, who may even be extinct. Not that you'd know that from the trailer which seems to play up the thriller aspects of the plot. Dafoe's performance, where he stalks through the undergrowth and uncovers all sorts of conspiracies whilst considering the empty recesses of his soul, and the delicious Australia geography virtually worshipped by Robert Humphreys' cinematography should bring in a significant art-house crowd.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●○○○○○○
7 Days in Havana
Our second portmanteau is, in many ways, the more curious of the two options with Gasper Noe and - in his directorial debut - Benicio Del Toro amongst the contributers. But the structure of an American student (Josh Hutcherson) smuggling himself to Cuba and absorbing the culture seems slightly contrived - although looking at the trailer I wonder if my plot information is even vaguely correct.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●○○○○○○
The Women on the 6th Floor
It's taken a long-time for this French hit comedy (it took $19m in France last February, just outgrossing Thor) to reach the UK. It looks jolly, focussing on the effect of Spanish maids on a stuffy middle class Parisien and his redemption. Carmen Maura is probably the best known of the ensemble.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●○○○○○○
Bol Bachchan
There's no doubting the sincerity of this Bollywood comedy, or the title which gets constantly repeated during the trailer. That said there aren't many laughs to be found so I'm not expecting very impressive box office returns.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●○○○○○○○
Diamond Necklace
The soundtrack to the trailer's more shopping channel than Malayalam action flick so maybe this quietly released Dubai set flick with it's cautionary tale of monetary excess and true love might be worth seeking out.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●○○○○○○○
Exit Humanity
Sneaking out into cinemas for one day before getting a DVD release is this civil war era zombie film, obviously influenced by the idea, if not the execution, of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. That said I have no idea how they managed to rope Brian Cox in to narrate.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●○○○○○○○○
Strawberry Fields
British Indie which I suspect deserves more than I've given it here but I can't in all honestly get enthused by the trailer and premise of two sisters running away from their past, but not quite escaping from each other.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●○○○○○○○○
And finally, as if dragged in from another dimension, it's
Ice Age: Continental Drift
Being confused about whether to put it in last week or next week I'm splitting the difference. Not that it makes much difference there's no way this animated cash-cow would get my film of the week endorsement. The gang's all here from the last film - literally even side character and minor addition comes back for a line or too for the pay-cheque (hello Simon Pegg) and we also get a love interest for Denis Leary's Diego in the form of sexy sabre-tooth Jennifer Lopez. Not that we should expect too much subtly in this oddly popular franchise, just colourful characters and well crafted back-drops. Ray Romano, John Lequizamo and Queen Latifah also star.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●○○○○○○
Saturday, 7 July 2012
More films for your buck (Out this week - 06/07/12)
Saturday, 30 June 2012
Haven't they seen "Double Indemnity"? (Out this week - 29/06/12)
It's an Italy vs Spain final on Sunday that promises great football, even if it's narratively unadventurous and Andy Murray is still performing well at Wimbledon so the studios can be forgiven to going slightly easy this weekend on the big ticket releases. So much so that the largest roll-out is only 265 cinemas, over 100 less than Men In Black 3 in it's sixth weekend. Not that I'm motivated by size when it comes to my film choices, but distributor confidence can be a factor. Nevertheless there are some exciting options this week, Todd Solondz returns to cinemas with another bleak mirror on American society and Lynn Shelton's highly praised follow-on to Humpday is also getting a minor release but for me it's Southern Fried gothic all the way with the runs like a gay film of the week Killer Joe.
There are lies, damned lies and box office statistics. A truism made all the more relevant with the UK top ten from last weekend. Theoretically my prediction last week was correct, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter was the highest grossing new entry and took the top spot. I should be suitably smug and walk away. However closer analysis of the figures shows that Lincoln's victory is attributable to two days of previews. So Men in Black 3 actually took the most with The Five-Year engagement close behind. Feeling considerably less smug now. This weekend I think the extraordinary trend of MIB holding onto audiences will keep it at the top and the likeable Friends with Kids as the highest new entry.
Killer Joe
Given that murder for the insurance money never seems to play well in cinematic lore you have to wonder why characters still keep doing it. Saying that I doubt the trailer trash protagonsists of William Friedkin's second Tracy Lett's adaptation (following the claustrophobic Bug) will have caught many black and white classics on TV. This might be a case of style over substance, but I'm hooked.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●●●○○○○
Read on for adult adolescents, competing choirs and Scandinavian borstals, as well as all of this weeks releases and trailers.
There doesn't appear to be much subtlety in Freidkin's trailer, but McConaughey purrs his way through it quite nicely.
Dark Horse
Todd Solondz's black comedies aren't to everyone's taste and whilst his latest looks considerably less perverse than say, Happiness, I imagine a lot of people will still be turned off by the central character, a thirty something still living with his parents (Christopher Walken and Mia Farrow) and the first tentative steps towards what might be love or might be stalking.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●●○○○○○
The Fairy
Well, that was weird. For audiences not used to seeing such physical comedy it's slightly shocking to see such obvious clowning on screen. Nevertheless reviews have positively compared this magical fable to Jacques Tati so it might be worth a look.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●○○○○○○
King of Devil's Island
Swedish release which has largely appeared from no-where starring Stellen Skarsgaard as the governor of a boys prison, with shades of classic borstal pic Scum and a touch of historic tragedy about it. Nicely cut trailer that certainly makes me want to see more.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●○○○○○○
Your Sister's Sister
The title may sound like the opening phrase of a riddle and there's is no way on earth Emily Blunt and Rosemarie Dewitt are sisters but this semi-improvised relationship drama has much to recommend it. Director Lynn Shelton has comfortably eased out of her mumblecore roots and looks to be one of the most consistent and talented indie directors working today.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●○○○○○○
Friends with Kids
Jennifer Westfeldt's parenthood comedy boasts a great cast of stars on the rise including husband Jon Hamm, Kristen Wiig and Adam Scott and the premise of a pair of best friends who have a child together but don't have the relationship with it sounds cute enough. It certainly deserves to find an audience out there.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●○○○○○○○
Jatt and Juliet
Last weekend Bollywood release Teri Meri Kahani broke the top ten with a substantial per screen average. This Punjabi comedy looks unlikely to do the same but I have to admit I found the trailer more amusing and the stars chemistry seemed more apparent.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●○○○○○○○
Joyful Noise
I don't know whether this Church choir pic will find an audience here in the UK, especially after it under-performed in the States. Queen Latifah and Dolly Parton are the warring diva's trying to improve their local singers into an award winning combo. Unsurprisingly it takes some bland new talent to mount their Glee like revival.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●○○○○○○○
Last Flight to Abuja
We don't get the opportunity to see many African made films in the UK so I really want to recommend Nigeria's true-life disaster movie. Sure it's all been parodied to death by Airplane but there's still something about soap in the skies that we can all appreciate. As the tagline says "Fasten your seatbelts".
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●○○○○○○○
Lovely Molly
Have you been wondering what happened to Eduardo Sanchez, the revolutionary mind behind The Blair Witch project? Apart from just disappearing in the woods 15 years ago he has been cranking out horror flicks largely direct to DVD but this one has a small chance of finding some fans with a limited release. Shame several of the shots seem a little too derivative though.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●○○○○○○○
Storage 24
The ubiquitous and hard-working Noel Clarke is back again with his first (post Doctor Who) excursion into sci-fi with this strangers trapped with an alien set-up. I hear the creature design is original and spectacular even if the rest of the characters are thinly drawn.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●○○○○○○○
Playing the Moldovans at Tennis
Based on his best-selling book, which was in turn inspired by an insane pub bet, comedian Tony Hawks, played her by himself, travels to the former Soviet republic of Moldovia where he challenges each of the Moldovan football team (played presumably by actors here) who lost to England 4-0 to a game of tennis. I really don't know what the point of the movie is but I expect the book is quite funny.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●○○○○○○○○
Thursday, 3 February 2011
The Dilemma
2011. Dir: Ron Howard. Starring: Vince Vaughn, Kevin James, Winona Ryder, Jennifer Connolly and Queen Latifah. ●●○○○
How do they say it? Dying is easy, comedy is hard. And judging by Ron Howard's latest effort, The Dilemma, comedy is very very hard. Actually I very nearly didn't judge this film in terms of it's comedy as there's only a couple of laughs to be had, then it occurred to me that would be awfully generous, not matter that it would work better as a drama the movie spends most of the time desperately trying to raise a chuckle and consistently fails so that's how it should be measured.
Vince Vaughn plays a salesman who's scored well above his league with top chef Jennifer Connelly. Vaughn's best friend and business partner Kevin James is even more inexplicably married to Winona Ryder, and has been since they were at college. It's no surprise that Ryder's playing it away with heavily tattooed Channing Tatum. Vaughn stumbles upon the two making out at the local tropical garden and then faces the decision of whether to pass this information on.
This has all the makings of a fine farce, with slapstick humour and uncomfortable conversations, and when the film succeeds it's aiming for those ideas. The fight between Vaughn and Tatum has a nice energy and Vaughn's monologue at a wedding anniversary raised a little titter, but most of the jokes fall utterly flat. Signposted and overwrought the one-liners limp into the characters mouths with no perceptible timing or any thought of consistency. Minor characters are introduced in order to create a "funny" situation or make an amusing statement. Queen Latifah in particular seems to have walked out of a completely different movie. In fact the whole section she represents, where the central duo are selling electric engines that vibrate, could have been completely exorcised from the movie without anyone caring.
The bigger issue is the moral quagmire the film seems to lower itself into. All of the central characters are deeply flawed human beings (Vaughn's a recovering gambling addict, James visits prostitutes, Connelly's secretive and patronising) to such an extent tht you don't care who is, or has been, sleeping with whom. It's almost justifible on many counts.
In terms of the performances only Ryder, all spiky and manipulative, and Tatum showing surprising talent for physical comedy come out with any credit. Below the line talent seems perfunctory and Howard does nothing to persuade his critics there's anything close to a competent director here.
Needless to say I regret putting this in my countdown for 2011. Avoid at all costs.
Sunday, 9 January 2011
20 for 2011: 20 - The Dilemma
The first film (and effectively the lowest ranking) on the 20 most anticipated films for 2011 is The Dilemma. It's also going to be upon us soon, with a UK release date of 21 January 2011.
There are always a few films in my most anticipated list that require some explanation. It's not just a question of why I rank them in a particular order but why I would even include them at all. What could I say right now about the unholy alliance between Ron Howard and Vince Vaughn that could persuade you this film might be worth seeing?
I don't believe it can be done. Even my own confidence in the project has been under pressure from my subconscious. At first I thought it was a great concept - do you tell your best friend if you find their wife is having an affair? It's a situation we must all have faced at some point. Then the cast and director were announced: Ron Howard's OK, and family comedies are what he used to do best (remember Parenthood?) but he's never an exciting director and the combo of Vince Vaughn and Kevin James is quite horrid (although Winona Ryder and Jennifer Connelly are good value in the female cast).
Finally the first trailer arrived with it's "Gay" joke. I confess I now want to see this movie out of morbid curiosity rather than genuine enthusiasm. Will this be the first stinker of 2011?
Friday, 17 September 2010
On a Father Hunt (Out this week - 17/09/10)
I'm in an awkward position this week as I'm completing the round-up of releases too early to have confirmed scores for the excitometer on 5 of the 12 films hitting multiplexes. Any one of those films could turn out to be excellent, or at least slightly better than I'm currently predicting. That said they are highly unlikely to reach the critical heights of our film of the week Winter's Bone.
Devil
M. Night Shyamalan, as producer of this high concept horror (strangers trapped in a lift wit Satan himself), is all over the publicity. Given his poor form as a director of late I'm sure that will be considered a big mistake.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●○○○○○○○○ (This is a provisional figure)
Distant Mirage
British film tackling the issues of arranged marriages and spousal abuse in the Indian community. Probably not for the faint hearted.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●○○○○○○○○ (This is a provisional figure)
F
As in exam failed mark. Watch a number of faceless students barricade their teachers into the school, I expect this is a commentary of the zombiefication of teenagers.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●○○○○○○
Horde
Talking about Zombies, Paris is beset by them in this dirty looking French horror. I doubt it's a good investment.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●○○○○○○○○
Ik Kundi Punjab Di
From Bollywood this week comes a simple story about a girl who wants to be treated like one of the guys, and the struggles against society to make that so. The poster (she's carrying a hoe) appears to be selling a certain attachment to chauvinism.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●○○○○○○○○ (This is a provisional figure)
Just Wright
In such a poor week sows ears like this basketball player/sports agent romantically attachments begin to look a lot like silk purses. With Common and Queen Latifah guiding the action and plenty of hoops to watch too this may be sightly diverting.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●○○○○○○
The Kid
Nick Moran surprises with his first film, a harrowing tale of a abused child falling into bare-knuckle boxing as a method to channel his inexorable inner rage. Despite a stellar British cast this still looks largely missable.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●○○○○○○○
Night of the Demons
I'd say this was an unnecessary remake, if anyone actually cared about the original enough to be insulted by it. As it is this will probably suffer the same fate as the earlier version.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●○○○○○○○○
The Other Guys
Buddy Cop Comedy - so nothing original here - with Mark Wahlberg and Will Ferrell as the two least competent detectives on the precinct who find themselves deep in a massive case; with hilarious consequences. Samuel L. Jackson and The Rock play slightly more successful versions of our heroes.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●○○○○○○
Release
Bristolian made gay prison drama involving catholic priests, psychopathic inmates and inappropriate relations with the guards. Gets extra credit for stirring long hidden fantasies in the trailer.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●○○○○○○○ (This is a provisional figure)
Savage
Irish thriller about a journalist involved in a serious crime who slowly finds his sanity creeping away as a result. Compared (and not completely unfavourably) to the early work of Scorsese.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●○○○○○○○ (This is a provisional figure)
Winter's Bone
Jennifer Lawrence, who first came to everyone's attentions in The Burning Plain, is now getting some very serious awards attention for her strong willed teenager trying to find her father's who absconded leaving the family home as bail. Modern Noir at it's most powerful.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●●●○○○○
Thursday, 18 March 2010
Queen Latifah
Happy Birthday to
Queen Latifah
40 today
I suspect in the fullnesws of time Latifah will be most appropriately recorded as a hip-hop artist with her film work as just a sidenote. It's curious to note that her best work so far has been in musicals (Chicago and Hairspray), the rest of her back catalogue is generally best avoided - see Valentine's Day for proof!
Wednesday, 17 February 2010
Valentine's Day
2010. Dir: Garry Marshall. Starring: Ashton Kutcher, Jennifer Garner, Julia Roberts, Jessica Biel and Jamie Foxx. ●○○○○
I'm thinking perhaps the rating is a little harsh. Valentine's Day, for all it's many faults, did not make me angry. I did not consider asking for my money back, nor was I shouting at the screen at the iniquity of it. Unlike one film I went to see this year I was not seething afterwards. However it is a really bad movie - utterly inedt - to call it amateur would be an insult to amateur productions.
Let me explain: Valentine's Day follows an inderterminable group of LA'ers as they make their way through the romantic entanglements during the feast of St. Valentine. Naturally, as is always the case with large cast dramas, they all interlink on at least a superficial level (sometimes the level of co-incidence is unbearable) and they all have different feelings or experiences that relate to love. When taken as a whole we, as an audience, are meant to better understand the meaning and consequences of that four letter word. This movie ultimately wants to be an American Love, Actually and at this it fails spectacularly.
If you read on, please not this review has many many spoilers...
Why? Well I re-watched Richard Curtis' film to try and understand why one is charning, if lightweight, and the other is charmless. Here are the reasons I can find:
1. Passage of time. Whereas Love Actually (herein referred to as LA) takes place over a month Valentine's Day (VD, chuckle chuckle) crams the entire process within approximately 18 hours. Characters therefore have no time to consider things and grow, relationships don't develop they just happen. For instance Ashton Kutcher proposes to girlfriend Jessica Alba before breakfast, but they've split by the end of the working day. On hearing his wife has had an affair Hector Elizondo is so cut up it takes all of three hours to forgive her.
2. Thematic consistency. At the beginning of LA it sets up the airport arrival gate as a place to see love, then ends by showing that. In VD there doesn't really seem to be any flow. Events just happen at random. The only difference between the beginning and the end is that the scenes are shorter and the cuts quicker.
3. Demographics. I'm not so concerning about the ethnicity of the protagonists, as LA was virtually all white too (and this could have been easily fixed) but I did notice how beautiful everyone was. Essentially if you're not thin, silky haired and young you're doomed to spend VD alone. Where were the people like us? With a few extra inches on the waist and a few more grey hairs that we once had? I know Hollywood is always obsessed with beautiful people but when they're being paraded one after another it gets too much.
4. Unhappy endings. There shouldn't be many, but in a multi-character drama some stories will end badly. In LA Laura Linney and Andrew Lincoln do not get to experience a fulfilling and complete love. VD doesn't dare to give any major characters anything other than the type of happiness they want. Nobody really ends up alone (except for Patrick Dempsey's cheating doctor but he does deserve it for being a love cheat). This is dramtically uninteresting.
5. Set your jokes up. All of the jokes in VD are one line zingers (and nearly all of them appear in the trailer). Lines like "Young Love, full of promise full of hope ignorant of reality" are OK but it's nothing compared to the set up and then pay-off of Kris Marshall stateside holiday or even the goofball pidgeon Portuguese that Colin Firth launches into in LA. By slowly developing towards a punchline then the jokes will be funnier and we will remember them better - trust me.
6. Make it for adults. Why make a film about love and sex and make it PG-13? Why why why. It limits the jokes and the situations. If a scenario is meant to appeal to adults make a film for adults to enjoy and not one for kids.
7. Believeability. If you're going to have a situation that doesn't seem very likely make it completely off the wall (such as a Prime Minister caught kissing at a school nativity or a faded rock star having a Christmas number 1). Don't have a florist which appears to employ over 15 people (I've been to lots of florists and I've never seen one with mre than 3 staff) - and on that why were there Nuns buying flowers on VD? I would also like to object about the Football stars coming out, but more on that later*.
I could go on.
There were some minor elements I enjoyed. Jessica Biel is a surprisingly nice comic actress and I hope she gets a decent film to show that off in (was Nailed ever completed?) and Hector Elizondo stood out for me (his reaction to Emma Roberts annoucement is priceless).
The flowers were also generally gorgeous and well chosen to go with the giver and the given, so thanks to whoever sourced those.
In spite of not hating the film with so much wrong with it all I can do is give Valentine's Day, a well deserved 1 out of 5 rating.
*Please see next post.
