2010. Dir: Woody Allen. Starring: Gemma Jones, Anthony Hopkins, Naomi Watts, Josh Brolin and Antonio Banderas. ●●○○○
There's a sense of trepidation that sinks in whenever Woody Allen releases another picture. Where will it fit in the canon? How many times will I laugh? Will I regret the ticket price? Will it be better or worse than his last picture (like a neverending higher or lower card game)? Well the answers for You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger are as follows: Pretty low. Very few. Yes. And this is both better and worse than Whatever Works - better because the characters and morality is nowhere near as repugnant and worse because there isn't the experimentation and concepts that drove his previous film.
The overstuffed plot follows couples Gemma Jones and Anthony Hopkins and their daughter Naomi Watts with Josh Brolin as their relationships breakdown and they find themselves back on the dating game with (respectively) Roger Ashton-Griffiths, Lucy Punch, Antonio Banderas and Freida Pinto. Each of these relationships seems to be doomed to failure for the exact reasons that they are brought together - a mix of ennui and foreshadowing covers the players clearly indicating their individual fates.
The performances range from the reasonably entertaining - Antonio Banderas gets away with a hesitant charm and a tendancy to prevaricate - to the downright offensive; Lucy Punch doing to English high-class hookers what Mira Sorvino did for her American contemporaries only making it sound like a Catherine Tate impersonator. With some of the others barely registering. Anthony Hopkins in particular needs to get a new phone to deliver his performances through.
Of course this smorgasboard of talent would be forgiven if the writing was clever or witty. Unfortunately there's little realism in the script - nearly everytime Naomi Watts as the patient Sally, trying to remain sane as everyone else falls apart, speaks I found myself screaming inside "But no-one talks like that". Recrimination led arguments come and go with no sense of tension around them, mildly offensive chat-up lines seem to have the female cast gazing tenderly into their male counterparts eyes.
The are whole sub-plots that appear and drift away with no real meaning or connection to the whole including Brolin's writing career, Pinto's engagement and the dead son of Hopkins and Jones which seems to exist only to make a cheap psychological connection to forward momentum of Hopkins. All this would be forgiveable if the central fortune telling storyline (featuring the delicious Pauline Collins hammily doling out phoney advice to the neurotic Gemma Jones) was given the necessary room to breathe and develop.
The design is fine, location shooting fine and the jazzy score fine - but nothing we haven't seen before from Allen and it's not a London that I recognise that's for sure.
I wouldn't bother with this one, if I were you, just cross your fingers that Woody will find form again with his next picture so I can ask those leading questions again.
Wednesday, 23 March 2011
You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger
Saturday, 19 March 2011
All this will be seen in the future (Out this week - 18/03/11)
I thought about backdating this post by a couple of years so it looks like I was reading the future - but that would be a silly thing to do as no-one would read it (even less than the normal count of people who read the release round-up). Some interesting looking projects out this week, with Richard Ayoade's debut probably picking up the highest praise, but it's Woody who gets my - doubtless unwarranted - support with film of the week going to You will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger.
You will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger
Woody Allen returns to London for the fourth time with his latest relationship comedy, this time with a heavy dose of fortune telling providing the narrative force. He's persuaded high profile thesps like Anthony Hopkins, Naomi Watts and Josh Brolin to come along for the ride.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●●●●●○○
Lincoln Lawyer
Matthew McConaughey in non-romantic comedy shocker! He plays the titular attorney, conducting business out of the back of his car including defending the highly-dodgy looking playboy Ryan Phillippe. I'm guessing all is not as it seems. Marisa Tomei and William H. Macy pop up to provide sound advice.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●●○○○○○
Ballast
New Orleans based drama which follows the brother, wife and son of a suicide victim as they struggle to make sense of his actions and begin to piece their lives back together. Very highly praised on the festival circuit.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●○○○○○○
Route Irish
Ken Loach turns his critical eye towards the invasion of Iraq and the private security firms that appear to run unchecked amongst the criminal underworld of the Middle East. There are actual scenes of waterboarding in the film which the actor involved is suing for compensation right now.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●○○○○○○
Submarine
Richard Ayoade, Moss from the excellent "IT Crowd", makes his feature directorial debut with this Welsh coming of age story. Based on Joe Dunthorne's novel it focuses on the dilemmas faced by Oliver Tate (Craig Roberts) and his precocious thoughts about starring in the movie of his life.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●○○○○○○
Chalet Girl
It's getting far better notice's than it's trailer seems to warrent, but this British class-bashing romantic comedy, set in the European ski slopes might be a good bet for those wanting to waste a couple of hours. Felicity Jones and Ed Westwick are the forgettable leading couple, Bill's Bailey and Nighy among the faces you'll recognise.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●○○○○○○○
Cinar Agaci
The Turkish releases have been quiet lately (it always surprises me that the industry is so prolific over there) so it's good to see this familial drama, focusing on the relationship between a young boy, his single mother and his widowed grandmother getting a release.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●○○○○○○○
Anuvahood
Uncertain of tone and audience this is a gritty spoof of life on the mean streets of London. Co-directed by and starring Adam Deacon, one of the cast in the far-superior Kidulthood, who frankly should know better.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●○○○○○○○○
Tuesday, 1 March 2011
Tuesday Trailers - You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger
I almost don't want to play this trailer. Not because it's bad, in fact as trailers go it has some nice moments which seem to indicate laughs can be had in Woody Allen's latest London set dramedy. Instead I'm reluctant as it only goes to reionforce the slightly masochistic relationship I've developed with Allen. No matter how much he disappoints me, how many Whatever Works he produces, I still keep going back for more.
You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger is released on 18 March 2011.
Saturday, 12 February 2011
Josh Brolin
Happy Birthday to
Josh Brolin
43 today
Brolin may not be getting much of the heat from True Grit (which opened yesterday) but I expect his scarred Tom Chaney is coming across as suitable repellent. Add that to his forthcoming performance in Woody Allen's You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger and it's quite a year for the Californian native.
Wednesday, 1 December 2010
Woody Allen
Happy Birthday to
Woody Allen
75 today
Writer, Director, Actor, Jazz Clarinetist, there isn't a lot that Woody can't do, and for most of his career everything he touched turned to gold. Unfortunately we have seen a declines over the last 15 years, possibly not helped by his churning of projects (he has directed at least one film per year since 1982). You will meet a Tall Dark Stranger has already has it's US release and is scheduled to come out here in March, the next onw after that will be Midnight in Paris.
Tuesday, 28 September 2010
Naomi Watts
Happy Birthday to
Naomi Watts
42 today
It's been nearly ten years since Naomi Watts hit the mainstream with David Lynch's Mulholland Drive and whilst the full brilliance of th film took some time to sink in there was little doubt that Naomi would go far. Since then she's done some great work in both genre and art-house fare but nothing's quite hit the headlines in the way that film did. Coming up are the minor looking Woody Allen (based on recent reports from Toronto) You will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger, the psychopath thriller Dream House and a chance to play Marilyn Monroe in Blonde all of which look very interesting propects.
Friday, 3 September 2010
Pauline Collins
Happy Birthday to
Pauline Collins
70 today
Shirley Valentine herself has a lot to be celebrating this year, not only is it a special birthday for her but she's also got a pivotal supporting role in the upcoming Woody Allen picture You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger (and it doesn't look awful). I think that deserves a plate of egg and chips to celebrate.
Thursday, 7 January 2010
20 for 2010 - You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger
Next on the countdown, and just missing the top ten at 11, is Woody Allen's You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger.
At 74 Woody Allen is showing no signs of letting his work rate slip - he has made at least one film per year since 1982 and there were a further 10 in the 15 years previous, and it's fair to say that within that time he's made more than his fair share of masterpieces. But will this be one of them?
I have been a loyal fan for most of those years, I evenly enjoyed Anything Goes, and the mere mention of Allen will usually get me into a theatre so there's no surprise in seeing this on my list. Saying that there is no denying the general direction the quality of the films is going. Even Vicky Cristina Barcelona, which had some of the best reviews Woody's seen in years, was markedly below his best output. In fact last years Whatever Works still doesn't have a UK release date, some 7 months after it was seen in America.
His latest London-set project - which should make it more likely to score over here - has a truly international flavour with a cast that includes Antonio Banderas, Frieda Pinto, Anthony Hopkins, Naomi Watts, Josh Brolin and Carla Bruni(!).
That sort of cast alone is enough to get me tingling. But I'm reserving judgement on the film itself until I see it.
Thursday, 31 December 2009
Anthony Hopkins
Happy Birthday to
Anthony Hopkins
72 today
The former Welshman (he's now a US citizen even if he doesn't mind using his heritage to get roles - see below) isn't showing any signs of slowing down with age. This year we have Woody Allen's You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger to look forward to as well as the delayed Wolfman, and in the following year he'll by Odin to Chris Hemsworth's Thor.
