2010. Dir: Garry Marshall. Starring: Ashton Kutcher, Jennifer Garner, Julia Roberts, Jessica Biel and Jamie Foxx. ●○○○○
I'm thinking perhaps the rating is a little harsh. Valentine's Day, for all it's many faults, did not make me angry. I did not consider asking for my money back, nor was I shouting at the screen at the iniquity of it. Unlike one film I went to see this year I was not seething afterwards. However it is a really bad movie - utterly inedt - to call it amateur would be an insult to amateur productions.
Let me explain: Valentine's Day follows an inderterminable group of LA'ers as they make their way through the romantic entanglements during the feast of St. Valentine. Naturally, as is always the case with large cast dramas, they all interlink on at least a superficial level (sometimes the level of co-incidence is unbearable) and they all have different feelings or experiences that relate to love. When taken as a whole we, as an audience, are meant to better understand the meaning and consequences of that four letter word. This movie ultimately wants to be an American Love, Actually and at this it fails spectacularly.
If you read on, please not this review has many many spoilers...
Why? Well I re-watched Richard Curtis' film to try and understand why one is charning, if lightweight, and the other is charmless. Here are the reasons I can find:
1. Passage of time. Whereas Love Actually (herein referred to as LA) takes place over a month Valentine's Day (VD, chuckle chuckle) crams the entire process within approximately 18 hours. Characters therefore have no time to consider things and grow, relationships don't develop they just happen. For instance Ashton Kutcher proposes to girlfriend Jessica Alba before breakfast, but they've split by the end of the working day. On hearing his wife has had an affair Hector Elizondo is so cut up it takes all of three hours to forgive her.
2. Thematic consistency. At the beginning of LA it sets up the airport arrival gate as a place to see love, then ends by showing that. In VD there doesn't really seem to be any flow. Events just happen at random. The only difference between the beginning and the end is that the scenes are shorter and the cuts quicker.
3. Demographics. I'm not so concerning about the ethnicity of the protagonists, as LA was virtually all white too (and this could have been easily fixed) but I did notice how beautiful everyone was. Essentially if you're not thin, silky haired and young you're doomed to spend VD alone. Where were the people like us? With a few extra inches on the waist and a few more grey hairs that we once had? I know Hollywood is always obsessed with beautiful people but when they're being paraded one after another it gets too much.
4. Unhappy endings. There shouldn't be many, but in a multi-character drama some stories will end badly. In LA Laura Linney and Andrew Lincoln do not get to experience a fulfilling and complete love. VD doesn't dare to give any major characters anything other than the type of happiness they want. Nobody really ends up alone (except for Patrick Dempsey's cheating doctor but he does deserve it for being a love cheat). This is dramtically uninteresting.
5. Set your jokes up. All of the jokes in VD are one line zingers (and nearly all of them appear in the trailer). Lines like "Young Love, full of promise full of hope ignorant of reality" are OK but it's nothing compared to the set up and then pay-off of Kris Marshall stateside holiday or even the goofball pidgeon Portuguese that Colin Firth launches into in LA. By slowly developing towards a punchline then the jokes will be funnier and we will remember them better - trust me.
6. Make it for adults. Why make a film about love and sex and make it PG-13? Why why why. It limits the jokes and the situations. If a scenario is meant to appeal to adults make a film for adults to enjoy and not one for kids.
7. Believeability. If you're going to have a situation that doesn't seem very likely make it completely off the wall (such as a Prime Minister caught kissing at a school nativity or a faded rock star having a Christmas number 1). Don't have a florist which appears to employ over 15 people (I've been to lots of florists and I've never seen one with mre than 3 staff) - and on that why were there Nuns buying flowers on VD? I would also like to object about the Football stars coming out, but more on that later*.
I could go on.
There were some minor elements I enjoyed. Jessica Biel is a surprisingly nice comic actress and I hope she gets a decent film to show that off in (was Nailed ever completed?) and Hector Elizondo stood out for me (his reaction to Emma Roberts annoucement is priceless).
The flowers were also generally gorgeous and well chosen to go with the giver and the given, so thanks to whoever sourced those.
In spite of not hating the film with so much wrong with it all I can do is give Valentine's Day, a well deserved 1 out of 5 rating.
*Please see next post.
Wednesday, 17 February 2010
Valentine's Day
Valentine's Day Postscript - Coming Out
In my next post I review Valentine's Day, a film which I did not, by any stretch of the imagination, enjoy. But I wanted to make a special point about the section fo the film that disappointed me most.
In the film Eric Dane's star quarterback holds a press conference to publicly announce that he's gay. This conference is not brought on by the imminent outing by the paparazzi, but comes at the point where he is between contracts and is not willing to hide his personal life anymore.
The movie not only makes the decision to come out seem trivial but almost makes it seem unnewsworthy. To the extent that the first press question is from Jamie Foxx asking if this meant that Dane was retiring - the predictable response "I'm Gay, and I'm Gonna Play".
Coming out is never easy. Every time you meet someone new you are, in effect coming out. Often it is a non-issue, sometimes not. Even today, at my temping job, I was at the receiving end of some barbed jokes about my sexuality. There was no malicious intent behind the comments and I do not suspect any homophobia from the gentleman involved but that is not to say the comments don't in some way belittle me and all lesbians and gay men.
For such a high profile sportsman, such as the character Dane was playing, coming out would likely lead to a horrendous amount of abuse and, given he wasn't signed to a team at that point, may also be the end of his playing career. By presenting this skewed version of coming out the film does no justice to the many players of all sports who are making that tough decision every year. The film even flinched from his happy ending, when his partner returns at the end of the movie thay are the only couple not to kiss.
I want a world where there is no discrimination based on sexuality, but we must accept that homphobia exists and perhaps the film would have been better served if there was greater realism in the way it dealt with this issue. I wanted to see how Dane made his decision to come out - in fact I actually want to see a film which honestly looks at how someone's life would change in these situations.
I don't know what it's like in America, but here in the UK in the Soccer Premier League (our most watched game) there isn't a single out gay player. In fact there has only ever been one in the history of top flight football. That player, Justin Fashanu, faced extreme abuse from other players, managers and fans - even his own brother publicly disowned him. Fashanu committed suicide in 1998.
Here in the UK the Football Association has begun a campaign to remove homophobia from the stands. Here is the viral advert they have made to publicise the campaign I warn you it sets out to be shocking.
The FA have chosen shock tactics to not only reflect the attitude that persists in the terraces but also because they have struggled to find top level player who would be willing to be the front of the campaign. I'll say that again - the perceived abuse from the fans would be so bad that no straight footballer is prepared to front a campaign against homophobia for fear of becoming a target.
I hope that this video is a start, I hope we can elimated homophobia from football, I hope Hollywood can reflect the burden gay players have more accutrately and I sincerely hope that one day an out gay man will be scoring the FA cup winning goal.
Friday, 12 February 2010
Out This Week (12/02/10)
It's an extremely busy week with 12 different titles competing for audiences, including 2 animations, 2 big budget action adventures, an all-star romantic hyperlink picture and this weeks film of the week: A Single Man
Anonyma: A Woman in Berlin
Hailed as a major turning point in World War 2 cinema, Anonyma looks at the occupation of Berlin following it's fall to the Russian Army, and the sacrifices and concessions a group of women had to make.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●○○○○○○○○
Battle for Terra
Looking suspiciously similar in plot to James Cameron's Avatar (humans conquering defenceless peace loving planet) this computer generated animation plays to a much younger audience and probably is less defensive about it's parallels to modern society. Cast includes supporting turns from Brian Cox and James Garner.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●○○○○○○
Beyond the Pole
Big screen adaptation of the cult British radio serial about the first organic, carbon-neutral expedition to the North Pole. The trailer looks hilarious, with some high class UK comic actors in the main roles. Worth going beyond the multiplex for.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●○○○○○○○
My Name is Khan
Bollywood superstar Sharukh Khan has been going all out to publicise his latest project, including interviews with Empire Magazine and on the massively popular Jonathan Ross show. Whether this will translate to a bigger audience will yet to be seen, but the trailer which highlights the personal journey a Muslim man makes to speak with the President following 9/11 looks like it has potential.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●○○○○○○○○
Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The lightning Thief
The first of 2 Greek themed adventure movies for 2010 (Clash of the Titans is coming in April) this one transplants the Greek legends to a 21st century setting with the teenage son of Poseidon rescuing the lightning bolt stolen from Sean Bean's Zeus. All very silly. Catherine Keener (Who should know better) and Uma Thurman take on supporting roles.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●○○○○○○
Ponyo
Ponyo on the cliff by the sea (to give it the full title) may not be getting the raves that director Hayao Miyazaki is used to but the animation is still divine and the story will entrance everyone who sees it. The English language cast includes a galaxy of big names such as Cate Blanchett, Matt Damon, Liam Neeson, Lily Tomlin and Cloris Leachman.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●●●○○○○
A Single Man
Finally bringing Colin Firth the awards attention he has deserved since his harrowing turn in the BBC film "Tumbledown" back in 1988. Firth excels as the gay university professor who has resolved to commit suicide but calmly lives his last day as normally as possible. Julianne Moore also has a plum role as his boozy neighbour.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●●●●●○○
Sukhmani
Finding anything about this Bollywood drama is really difficult. It was filmed in the Sabathu Army camp and concerns a family dealing with everyday issues against a backdrop of army life. The only trailers I've seen are song listing which doesn't sell it to me.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●○○○○○○○○
Takeshis'
It's taken nearly 5 years for Takeshi Kitano's surreal neo-noir to hit UK cinemas, which is odd as he's pretty much a known entity with a serious committed following. The film starts with a meeting between actor Beat Takeshi (himself) and his doppelganger (also Takeshi) and then slowly segues into masses of violence. Business as usual, then.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●○○○○○○○○
Valentine's Day
Big confession here. I know I have A Single Man as my film of the week, and I suspect Ponyo will be a much better second choice, but this is the film that I plan to see over the weekend. It's got an all star cast who all fall in love. What could be more wonderful than that?
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●●●○○○○
Winter in Wartime
The second World War 2 film of the week - it never ceases to produce new storylines - revolves around a small boy in the Netherlands finding out his family are involved in the resistance and assisting an injured British soldier. Similar to a reverse Whistle Down the Wind.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●○○○○○○○
The Wolfman
There was a point when there were very high hopes for this Universal monster remake, but with Joe Johnston in the director's chair we should have known better. Still it should be the number one box office hit of this weekend. Anthony Hopkins and Benicio Del Toro play the world's least likely father son pairing and Emily Blunt gets to wear period dresses again.
Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●●○○○○○
Tuesday, 12 January 2010
Tuesday Trailers - Valentine's Day
I guess I'm mellowing with old age, but Valentine's Day only just missed out on the top 20 films for 2010. Maybe it's the assured hand of rom-com maestro Garry Marshall (Pretty Woman), maybe it's because of the quality cast (Um where to start... Anne Hathaway, Julia Roberts, Jamie Foxx, Queen Latifah, Shirley MacLaine and now Kathy Bates has started to appear in the trailer!), maybe it's because this looks like a more polished and diverse version of last years surprise hit hyper-link romance He's Just not That Into You, or maybe it's because this guy and this guy will be getting it on?
Valentine's Day opens on 12 February, which is apparently quite appropriate.
Thursday, 12 November 2009
Anne Hathaway
Happy Birthday to
Anne Hathaway
27 today
Anne has a lot to prove in 2010. After her Oscar nod for Rachel Getting Married last year the next couple of films - the excreable Bride Wars, straight to video Passengers - were a major disappointment. Coming up are romantic ensemble piece Valentine's Day, Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland (pictured) and a second pairing with jake Gyllenhaal in Love and Other Drugs. If she doesn't knock it out of the park in at least the thrid one I'll be transferring my affections elsewhere.
Sunday, 17 May 2009
Film News (16/05/09)
It's only a day late. OK, sorry, it's a good job I don't do this for a living... A few interesting stories this week, some of which have been rumoured before but now finally are selling trades, others are completely new. By the way I only report on good news, so Nicole Kidman leaving Woody Allen's next film will not get a mention. Oops.
Valentine's Day
2011's version of He's Just not Into You is picking up an impressive, if female centric cast with Julia Roberts, Anne Hathaway and Shirley Maclaine all signing up. I'm on two minds about this film - I know rom com isn't really my thing, however some details of the plot are intriguing Roberts as a Army Sargeant returning home, MacLaine admitting to her husband about a long finished affair, even a gay romance with Bradley Cooper. Plus Garry Marshall can do this sort of thing well - films like Pretty Woman and Beaches litter his resume.
Blink
I still believe that Al Pacino has a good performance in him, if he picks the right project. Will this story of Wall Street traders and Al's philosophy that the best desicions can be made in split seconds (the time it takes to blink) rather than by researching the subject. As an analyst at heart it's my livelihood he's insulting there, but the premise is intriguing and Al as an aging guru might be worth a try.
Inglorious Basterds Prequel
Put this one down as a Tarantino boast - all idea no backbone - but he's told MTV that there's plenty of scope for a Inglorious Basterds prequel involving an Afro-American army battalion that were "left behind". Apparently it's a subplot exorcised from the film and it may just be enough for him to use. I very much doubt this will happen.
The Man Who Killed Don Quixote
Yes, Terry Gilliam has definitely returned to the script of Don Quixote and is prepping to film once more. Hi first attempt, gloriously recorded in the documentary Lost in La Mancha is legendary. Hopefully he'll have more luck this time round.
Sinatra
Martin Scorcese is set to direct a Frank Sinatra biopic. Nothing else to say about it now, but already on the edge of my seat, and hoping it'll be better than The Aviator.
Woman in Black
Bruce Beresford directs this rom-com based on a novel by Madeline St. John. The featured cast includes Monica Bellucci, Guy Pearce and Miranda Otto. Doesn't that sounds like a fascinating combination?
It's a random Woman in Black - like what I did there?
Saturday, 7 February 2009
Film News (07/02/09)
An unbelievable busy week for film news. So crowded in fact we'll just dive straight into it.
King Lear
You wait years before a decent King Lear adaptation and then two come at once. Last year Anthony Hopkins signed on to play the aging monach who splits his kingdom, under the watchful gaze of Joshua Michael Stern; this week it's Al Pacino railing at the storm and reuniting with his Merchant of Venice director Michael Radford. Now I love King Lear, it's the play that got me into acting, but I doubt both of these will be released - so which will it be? My moneys on Al, but I'd appreciate your thoughts.
Miral
Julian Schnabel is set to begin principle photography on his Israeli-Palestinian epic Miral in April. Starring Hiam Abbas (The Visitor) as a Palestinian to runs a orphanage in Jersulam the film will show how the relationship between the 2 nations has developed over the last 50 years. It's all going to be filmed on location and I persanally cannot wait to see a film that puts this extraordinary conflict into some perpective.
Moneyball
It's extemely difficult to keep tracks of Steven Soderbergh, but with the delays on Cleo it looks like he's bumped Moneyball up to the top of his things to do list. The film concerns the development of a computer algorithm to selct the best baseball team with a limited budget, fantasy baseball if you will, only done by a real team manager. If that doesn't make your inner geek glow I don't know what will. 
Silence
Daniel Day-Lewis and Benicio Del Toro as signed on to play Jesuit priests bringing christianity to Japan in Martin Scorcese's next film. This pairing seems like an excellent one, but I think I'm going to need more to stop me from classifying this as The Mission in a kimono. 
Start
Brandon Koener's "Now the Hell Will Start" has been optioned by 40 Acres and a Mule. The non-fiction novel relates how an African-American soldier murdered his Lieutenant and then escaped into the Burmese jungle eventually being accepted by the natives.
Valentine's Day
Would anyone like to see 10 strangers in Los Angeles briefly connect their lives over Valentine's Day in a variety of forced coincidences and bizarre cupid led entanglements? No? Just me then.
The Ward
I'm not really a horror fan, but Amber Heard (the titular All the Boys Love Mandy Lane) is preparing to enter the Ward. Cue scary noises and tales of long dead mental patients with grudges. And lots of running around semi-naked, probably. 
