Out These Weeks (19/03/10 - 02/04/10)

Yes, I have been away, which means I have missed out on previewing a good three weeks of films (whther that's three weeks of good films is perhaps more relevant). To tell you the truth I have been deliberately lazy with this. I could have popped into an internet cafe during both of the last couple of weekends, but I just couldn't face it. The overall quality of releases has been so poor I haven't wanted to make the effort to make it to a cinema. Nevertheless I feel I must catch up and tell you my picks for the film of the week, so in reverse order:

Released on 02 April 2010:

Kick-Ass



Released on 26 March 2010:

The Blind Side



Released on 19 March 2010:

I Love You, Philip Morris



Read on for the film synopsis' which I will try to kep within one sentence - now there's a challenge.



02 April 2010

Arjunan Kadhali

Hindi love film.

Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●○○○○○○○○

City of War

Or the story of John Rabe who ensured the survival of 250,000 Chinese peasants during the Japanese attack on Nanking in 1937-8.

Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●○○○○○○

Clash of the Titans

On of Antiquities more exciting tales adapted again for the big screen with Perseus slaying Medusa and the Kraken. Liam Neeson, Ralph Fiennes and Pete Postlethwaite turn up as Shiny Gods playing with us mortals.

Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●○○○○○○

Double Take

Rare documentary making it onto my list, as Alfred Hitchcock's obsession with doubles is deconstructions through clips and some fake reconstructions.

Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●○○○○○○

How to train your Dragon

Laugh out loud cartoon from Dreamworks with a nerdy viking making friends with an injured dragon which leads to a massive culture clash.

Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●○○○○○○

Kakera: A Piece of our Life

Lesbian dabblings at university in this Japanese drama.

Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●○○○○○○○

Kick-Ass

The superhero genre gets deconstructed in this tale of a adolescent who puts on a cape to fight some bad guys, the 12 year old fould mouthed violent Hit Girl is bringing the publicity, Nicolas Cage has actually picked a decent project this time.

Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●●●○○○○

Paiyaa

The usual mix of action and love story in this import. I'm sorry I can't be bothered with anything I'm not already interested in.

Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●○○○○○○○○

Remember Me

For the Twilight fans R Pattz tries something different. I expect someone major in the plot dies horrifically hence the title. Chris Cooper and Lena Olin have supporting roles.

Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●○○○○○○

Sadiyaan

Based on actual events during the partition of India and Pakistan. Still involves singing and dancing.

Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●○○○○○○○○

Samson and Delilah

Lyrical account of a developing romance between two aboriginal teenagers. Critically lauded.

Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●○○○○○○○

26 March 2010

Angardi Theru

Moved back again, look through previous posts to see if I had anything interesting to say last time...

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The Blind Side

Sandra Bullock's Oscar winning performance as a uptight stinking rich white woman who adopts a homeless black teen - based on a true story. Kathy Bates co-stars.

Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●●●●○○○

Cok Filim Hereketler Bunlar

Turkish version of Valentine's Day - I think it's a big screen spin-off of a popular TV series in Turkey (not completely sure).

Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●○○○○○○○○

Hum, Tum Aur Ghost

Love story played between two people with opposing views on nearly every subject. Ho hum.

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I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

I think they call this a comedy, about a best man whose antics at the stag do are so notorious he's disinvited to the wedding.

Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●●●●○○○

Lad Gaya Pecha

Man falls in love wit a ghost - not your typical love story from the sub-continent.

Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●○○○○○○○○

Lion's Den

Brizilian Women's prison drama with no cliche left unturned as we are invited to watch children taken from their mother, guard brutality and incidental lesbianism.

Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●○○○○○○○

Lourdes

Medidation on the ideas of faith and miracles that follows when a paralysed atheist is cured on a pilgrimage.

Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●●○○○○○

Nanny McPhee and the Big Bang

All star sequel (Emma Thompson, Ralph Fiennes, Maggie Gyllenhaal and Maggie Smith) to the hit anti-Mary Poppins children's film. The whole cast are clearly having a ball whilst keeping a stiff upper lip in the war years.

Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●●○○○○○

Nightwatching

Peter Greenaway direct Martin Freeman's cock in this dramatisation of Rembrandt's life around the time he was painting The Night Watch.

Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●○○○○○○

No One Knows about Persian Cats

The Persian Cats are an Iranian pop group trying to maintain their identity and the band where the idea of Western inspired music is considered sacriligious.

Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●○○○○○○○

Not the Messiah (He's a very Naughty Boy)

Concert film of the oratoria based on Monty Python's Life of Brian as performed in the Royal Albert Hall in 2009. Probably not as good as the orginal film.

Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●○○○○○○○

Perrier's Bounty

Cillian Murphy is on the run from loan shark gangster Brendan Gleason, accompanied by his coffee guzzling father Jim Broadbent and romantic interest Jodie Whittaker - better than your average gangster pic.

Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●○○○○○○

Romantik Komedi

If you couldn't guess from the title it's Turkish, and if I hadn't already described another film above as the Turkish Valentine's Day I'd be using that line here - so now I'm stumped.

Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●○○○○○○○

Shank

No, not the gay happy slappers film which came out last year, but a completely unrelated movie about teenage gangs in a apocalptic vision of a future Britain.

Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●○○○○○○○○

Storm

An attempt to dramatise the legalistic procedures and diplomatic pressures when trying a mass murderer through the European Courts.

Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●○○○○○○○

19 March 2010

Bounty Hunter

Gerard Butler and Jennifer Aniston both demonstrate how unfair the Hollywood system is that let's talentless shmucks like them headline. And they drag Cathy Moriaty down with them.

Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●○○○○○○○

Ditching

More post-apocalyptic angst, this time set in Northern Ireland.

Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●○○○○○○○○

Dorothy

Irish suspense movie involving psychiatrists and ghosts and false allegations of child abuse.

Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●○○○○○○○

Happy Ever Afters

Delayed comedy about mix-ups at two weddings taking place in the same venue.

Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●○○○○○○○○

House of the Devil

Now that irony is dead teenagers can once again babysit in scary houses and get picked on by malevolent spirits.

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I Love You, Philip Morris

Jim Carrey goes gay and falls in love with his cell mate Ewan MacGregor in this ribald comedy from the writing team behind Bad Santa.

Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●○○○○○○

My Last Five Girlfriends

We are treated to a parade of the last five girlfriends of our protagonist as he tries to figure what he's doing wrong. The clue's in the title.

Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●○○○○○○○○

Old Dogs

John Travolta and Robin Williams together at last. Naturally the film is a pile of rotting flesh which no amount of cameos with Ann-Margret and Matt Dillon can save.

Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●○○○○○○

Salvage

British suspense actioner as a contained is washed up in a sleepy cul-de-sac making the hitherto quiet neighbours a violent and distustful mob.

Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●○○○○○○○

Scouting Book for Boys

Thomas Turgoose continues to shine in this film about a teenager falling in love with his best friend as he hides her from here distructive family.

Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●○○○○○○

The Spy Next Door

Or Jackie Chan babysitting in this kids comedy. Given the righ audience I expect this will do well.

Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●○○○○○○○

Staten Island

Ethan Hawke, Vincent D'Onofrio and Seymour Cassell play a septic tank cleaner, a deaf mute and a mob boss in the titular New York suburb. I don't know which is which.

Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●●○○○○○○

Zonad

A rehab escapee manages to persuade a naive Irish Community that he's a visitor from outer space.

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And two films missed from 12 March 2010

The Ape

Norwegian film about a man waking up to find his entire life has been erased.

Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●○○○○○○○

Ay Lav Yu

Amazingly this is a Turkish film that manages to cast Steve Guttenburg and Mariel Hemingway as a visiting US coupl. I didn't even know Steve was still alive.

Runs like a Gay Excitometer: ●●●○○○○○○○